Liverpool 2 (5th) – Tottenham 0 (3rd)
Dear Liverpool FC
I know we decided to put our relationship on hiatus, but after a month of you dressing up like a Welsh tart, and going to other people’s stadiums and just laying down at the first opportunity, I have decided enough is enough. Sometimes people have to fall apart, to realize that the best place to be is together. I remember when we used to get together on the weekend and go to some place like The Emirates or Watford and show them what class looked like. We knew the game was over at half time and we’d sneak to the back of the stadium and have a little “How’s your father”. I missed those good times. It was like the world revolved around our love, nothing could come between us not some cockney git from London and certainly not some dirty Manc. But fate had me playing in love, and you as my sweet heart. Act one was when we met. I loved you at first glance. You cleared your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. Then came act two in Sunderland where you seemed to change and you acted strange. And why I`ll never know. Liverpool, you lied when you said you loved me. And I had no cause to doubt you. But I`d rather go on hearing your lies, than go on living without you. Now Anfield is bare and I`m standing there with Kopites singing loud. Keep it up Liverpool, because against Spurs you made us proud.
Love you lots
P.S. False alarm I’m not pregnant.
P.S.S. Just Fat
Bellend of the match: Me, for being completely gutted to see Lucas as a center back against Kane and Alli. And being proven wrong. Man of the Match: Sadio Mane. Tore one of the best defenses in the league to shreds. Honourable Mention: Minge and the Defense. Massive save from Minge on Son, and the back four for not letting Spurs have a shot on net in the second half.